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BEFORE a burglary trial, the judge explained to the defendant, “You can let me try your case, or you can choose to have a jury of your peers.”

The man thought for a moment, “What are peers?” he asked.

“They’re people just like your equals.”

“Forget it,” he retorted.

“I don’t want to be tried by a bunch of thieves.”

***

A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened.

Then he decided to write a letter to the Lord requesting the $100.

When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to the Lord, USA, they decided to send it to the White House so the President could have a look at it.

The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5 bill, as this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you note to the Lord.

He wrote: “Dear Lord, Thank you very much for sending me the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington, D.C., and as usual, those jerks deducted 95%.”

***

A traveler once visited a small village in the countryside.

At the local bar, someone asked him if he was married.

“Divorced, actually. Never could find a woman I didn’t end up fighting with all the time.”

“Then you should go talk to the old couple that lives on the hill outside the village. Rumor has it that they have been married for over 60 years and they never fought this whole time.”

The traveler just had to check it out, and in the morning he knocked on the door of the little house on the hill and was immediately welcomed by the husband, who invited him for tea.

After the traveler explained why he came to see him, the man smiled and nodded.

“It’s true, we never fight.”

“Please,” begged the traveler, “can you tell me the secret of your long marriage?”

“Well,” said the old man.

“It all started about 60 years ago. After the wedding, we were riding our mule back to town and walking it down the street when the mule tripped over a stone and the wife obviously got hurt after losing her balance.

“My wife said to the mule: ‘That’s ONE.’

“We kept riding and the mule got tripped again, which made my wife immediately say: ‘That’s TWO.’”

“Two minutes later, the mule trips over a stone again. My wife said: ‘That’s THREE.’”

“Then my wife pulled out a gun and shot the mule in the head without thinking twice.”

“I was shocked and yelled at her: What the heck are you doing? We need that mule. Are you crazy?”

“My wife looked me straight in the eye and said to me: ‘That’s ONE.’”

“That’s the secret of our long fight-free marriage.”

***

A Chinese doctor can’t find a job in a hospital in the U.S., so he opens a clinic and puts a sign outside: “Get treatment for $20 — if not cured, get back $100.”

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: “I have lost my sense of taste.”

Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box #22 and put three drops in patient’s mouth.”

Lawyer: “Ugh, this is kerosene.”

Chinese: “Congrats, now your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20.”

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days in an attempt to recover his money.

Lawyer: “I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything.”

Chinese: “Nurse, bring medicine from box #22 and put three drops in his mouth.”

Lawyer (annoyed): “This is kerosene you gave me last time for restoring my taste.”

Chinese: “Congrats, you got your memory back. Give me $20.”

You can’t beat Chinese doctor.

P.S.: Many thanks for sharing, Dr. Tyrone Cabalu.

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